Struggling to Keep Perspective

I know that life in other places is far worse than here. I know that some people have been essentially locked in their homes for many weeks, that they are losing their minds with cabin fever. I know that people are suffering, dying even. Knowing these things does help to temper my feelings, but I have been struggling the last few days to keep some perspective and to keep from feeling low.

As I wrote my last post, I thought for sure we had hit the limits of restrictions and impacts to our life here. I was wrong. I am humbled by my ignorance.

Four days ago, they stopped selling alcohol. I don’t drink much…most days of the week, not at all. So, I’m not directly affected by this. I can live without alcohol. No biggie. I’m not sure if Matt can, though. He loves his late afternoon beer or cocktail and then the ones that follow. I definitely notice that it is part of his enjoyment of this place. He seems to be trying on a philosophical face, but I do wonder what it’s going to be like if he has to go without for days or possibly weeks.

They closed the beaches in Tamarindo. “How is that possible?” you might say. Well, they actually tape off all of the entry points and parking lots, then the police drive up and down the beach telling people to get lost, the beach is closed.

We live in Playa Langosta, which is a small quiet neighborhood just to the south of Tamarindo. The very south end of Playa Langosta was closed at the same time as Tamarindo, but the path we take to watch the sunset was still open…until two days ago. Then, the yellow tape showed up there too. We peered down the path and saw that people were still at the beach. I felt uneasy, but we ducked under and walked down to see how many people were there to watch the sunset. I had been counting the last few nights and noted that the numbers were about the same. Clearly, people were disregarding the yellow tape at this part of the beach. Perhaps because it is not as wide open as the beach in town and the police can’t really see onto the beach from the road? Perhaps because there are a lot of oceanfront homes which have direct access? Perhaps because there are not many people on the beach and there is plenty of room to spread out? I don’t know and I don’t know how long they are going to get away with it. Last night, we did not go, so I am not sure if people are still going or if one more thing that we love about this place is not available to us.

Over the last few days, more restaurants have closed by choice or perhaps simply due to the decrease in demand. Have I mentioned that almost all of the tourists are gone? I think I have.

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Two nights ago, we walked a couple blocks to get takeout pizza, but it was closed. Last night, we had a rental car, so we drove into town and discovered only three restaurants were open and only one of those was one we wanted to eat at. There are a couple doing takeout, but it’s almost nothing at this point.

So this means that we will be doing a whole lot of cooking. At times, I get inspired and decide to make something and enjoy the work that goes into it. The lasagna I made the other night was decent, even though most of the ingredients were a bit different from what we would find at home. Plus, we got three meals out of it, which was a bonus. Other times, I can’t believe that it is already time to make yet another meal and I feel weary and bored of the prep, cook, clean up cycle. But, whether I like it or not, there just aren’t many other options, so cook we must. We rented a car yesterday so we could drive to the neighboring town and load up on groceries and hit up the vegetable and fruit market. We are pretty well stocked for food, but now we’ll have to prep and cook it all. <sigh>

Two days ago, I was swimming laps in the pool. You’ll recall from earlier posts that swimming in our pool is one of my very favorite things. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, it feeds my soul. It’s become something I look forward to almost everyday. It’s meditative and a great way to get exercise while staying cool. I’m getting stronger. I’m swimming longer than I was when we arrived. It feels great. So, back to my story. About a third of the way through my laps, I noticed there was a guy taping something to the wall. My mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. Oh, God. They are closing the pool. I kept swimming and tried to talk myself down. “Don’t freak out. You don’t know anything yet. Just keep swimming.” Maybe it’s a notice about something else. Maybe they are going to start resurfacing part of the pool deck. I tried to remember when Colleen said that was going to happen. A few laps later, I noticed the yellow tape. Oh God. No. A few more laps and I was done with my workout. I pulled my cap and goggles off and looked around. There was yellow tape blocking off all entry points to the pool. I walked over to the shallow end and asked another resident sitting at one of the tables if this is what I thought it was. “They closed the pool,” he said.

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I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but I am trying to own my truth. I was devastated. There were tears. I don’t think all the tears were from the pool closing. I think some were from the experience of watching the world situation getting worse by the day, from our situation getting worse by the day, from trying to understand how the world could have changed so much and so fast, from the constant effort of trying to readjust my perspective, convince myself how fortunate we still are and to find the positive in the crazy. I hit what I hope was bottom.

The last two days, I have been clawing my way back to what I hope is a more balanced perspective. In talking with the few people who are still staying in our condo building, it seems that we can meet the intent of the restriction and simply split up our time at the pool, so nobody is in it at the same time. Carmen wants 9am to do water aerobics. Kareem wants evenings, after 5:30pm, to swim laps. Mathias doesn’t want pool time. So, maybe it’ll be okay? I swam today. It was delicious.

Matt and I have heard rumors that one of the restaurants we frequent may do backdoor liquor sales, so maybe it’ll be okay for Matt too?

I’m trying to revisit my goals I set early in this trip. De-stress. Figure out how to be happier. Learn Spanish. Move my body everyday. Swim. Do Yoga. Spend time with my family. Re-connect with my husband. Ponder next steps for my career. This list feels bigger than it did a couple months ago, like more to take on in this new world we are living in. But, I’m still want try to get as much as I can out of this time we have.

Number two on the list above, how to be happier, may sound vague and bizarrely generic. But, it is fundamentally one of the key reasons we are living in Costa Rica for five months. We were not very happy with life and, at least for me personally, I wanted the time to figure out what I needed to be happier. There is actually a lot of research and science behind ‘happiness.’ I have read a couple books by Helen Russell and listened to a podcast called “The Happiness Lab,” which is led by a Professor from Yale who teaches a course on the science behind happiness. There are many lessons to be learned from these, which is probably another post, but one of the big ones is the importance of feeling connected to other people. I know without a doubt that I need personal connection to be happy, so I have reached out to folks. And, wonderfully, some have reached out to me. Thank you to all who have been able to talk, to connect…especially over the last week. I am comforted by your voices and your words. I appreciate knowing and understanding what your world is like right now. And that, even though I am in another country, I can share this experience with you. Whatever the future brings, what ever surprises, whatever challenges…I am hoping that we can get through them together.